I celebrate her life.
Here is my blog entry from 2006. I vow to never let her story die. Today will be 14 years since she was taken from my family. It only seems like yesterday, but I am stronger today and each and every day.
Journal:
Today is February 14th, 2006. It has now been 11 years since Amanda Kathern McCaig left this earth. God took her to be with him. She was just 16 years old. She hadn’t even really lived a full life. Yet, she had the personality of a temperamental, sassy teenager. She was everyone’s friend; the popular one. She was beautiful. Everyone loved her. She was loved.
Amanda was the middle child. I was six years older than her when she came into our lives. I can remember the day my parents told me that I was going to have a baby brother or sister. We were in the car. I can remember it quite vividly. I was very excited. Then there was the day that she was born. I knew my mother was at the hospital giving birth, but I still had to go to school. I was in 1st grade I believe. A shy child. My teacher would later explain to my grandmother and father that I was completely uncontrollable that day. Anxious, antsy. They finally had to come and get me from school. I remember her coming home. I remember the pink bows in her hair (taped in). Growing up, Amanda demanded a lot of my attention; needing a play buddy. Annoying sometimes, fun most other times. We played lot’s of games outside; pretend, make believe.
As I moved on to high school, Amanda would soon begin the social hoopla in middle school. It continued on into her high school years. She was loved by so many people. There were kids over all of the time. The phone was attached to her ear. We used to joke so much. She was definitely the outgoing type. She modeled some too. She was beautiful – she is beautiful!
Amanda went with a boy named Jason for sometime. I think they were in the “liking” each other mode back when Amanda was still in the 7th or 8th grade. I just remember it vaguely. Letter passing, etc. Jason didn’t come over much; most of her other friends did. Then, there came the time that my father became ill. Later, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My father was very sick and went through a few operations to try and save his life. During this time, things were emotional and rough for our family. My father, the one that never got sick, was so sick. Jason soon started coming around more.
I was away at college during this time of my father’s illness. I can remember coming home to find out that Jason was staying with my family. I think he slept in my brother’s room. I can’t remember. I don’t even remember why he was living with us. But, I do know that he helped my dad keep the grass mowed and drove his truck for him. I never felt easy about Jason. He wasn’t very aspiring and I noticed changes in my sister. Amanda, a beautiful girl, was now not wearing makeup and dressing in baggy clothes.
One time I called home to check on my dad and he told me that Amanda had run away. I’m not sure how much my dad really understood what was going on. He was calm. But then I spoke to my mom to find out that it was upsetting her and she didn’t know what to do. I came home for the weekend and mom and I went to a movie. Amanda left her a note on the truck windshield – she knew we were there (it was a small town after all). I don’t remember when Amanda moved back, but I know she did. It was all just the beginning of the problems we would experience with her.
Daddy finally lost his battle with cancer on November 1, 1993. That is All Saints Day. I love that. Because he was a saint in my eyes. Over the course of the year, Amanda and Jake (our brother) would begin some counseling. I went back to school. Mom was more involved in the community and church. It would seem things would be okay again someday. However, over this year, Amanda would begin letting the influences of Jason cloud her and her judgments.
I didn’t see much of how things unfolded because I was away at college, but I got word of them and made my own conclusions. Things weren’t right. Amanda had an attitude. Jason was always around. We found out that he was telling her things like,”your family doesn’t love you, only I do.” Things that weren’t right for a young, teenage girl to be hearing. It got out of hand. My mother didn’t know what else to do. Soon, she found the only thing she could do was place her in a behavioral hospital. Amanda spent about a month at Charter by the Sea in Brunswick, Georgia. She was diagnosed as manic depressant. She began treatment and would soon be on the road to wellness again.
During this time, there was a breech at the facility. Jason and Alan (a friend of Jason’s) had come to the hospital and to the window of Amanda’s room. There is debate on Amanda opening the window or the boys breaking in. They tried to get Amanda to leave. But she wouldn’t. She swore to us that she didn’t do it – she didn’t let them in. She told her counselor that she told Jason that she needed to be there and she wasn’t going anywhere. She knew that things with Jason were not healthy. Jason was always in trouble. His parents were in law enforcement, but he always got out of being in trouble. Always. After all, we lived in a small town where it the norm of children of law enforcement officials was that they always got away with things. That “good ‘ol boy” network if you will.
When Amanda finally came home it was like she was a different person to us. She was happy, felt good. She began sharing time with us again. My last memories of Amanda were the weekend after she came home. We celebrated her birthday. That week she had glamour shots done. We went to dinner at Olive Garden. Mom bought Mandy a car – a used Camaro. She was proud. We went driving in it around town. Things were nice. Things felt good. Someone I was fighting with now felt like a real relationship. We were still so young, and bickered, but it was changing. Her birthday was February 5th. She turned 16. Driving, a sophomore in high school. She told Jason she couldn’t be with him. It wasn’t healthy. The next couple of weeks would be hell for her.
He followed her everywhere. He harassed her. That last weekend I was with her he followed us when we test drove her car around the neighborhood. He got aggressive with it. I stood my ground. There was one time I remember being at her friend’s and he came there to harass her and I stood my ground with him. Told him to leave. I feel bad that I wasn’t there for her those last weeks. Protecting her. My mother called me at school on the 13th to tell me that they finally filed a restraining order against Jason. He was harassing her at the nail salon earlier and my sister’s friend told my mom about a conversation she had with Jason. She was smart – she taped it on her answering machine. Jason told Nina that if he couldn’t have Amanda then no one could and he would kill her. He even mentioned going on our back porch with a gun at night outside of Amanda’s room. My mom was disappointed because after making this plea for a restraining order she wasn’t assured of any protection. They told her, “well, you know who his parents are, c’mon now”. There goes that network again – protecting people that are the ones doing the wrong. What do you do? I mean, they basically told my mom there wasn’t anything they could do for her. She even told them about the tape – luckily, Nina’s family put it in a secret, locked place to protect it.
On Valentine’s Day, Amanda had plans to have dinner with friends at Pizza Hut. They were all going to hang together. But, she was a little behind in school work from being in Charter. So, she asked my grandmother to take our brother to karate so she could finish her work and then go be with her girlfriends. So, grandma did that for her. Amanda stood her ground with Jason. She told me she wasn’t afraid of him. Heck, she was taking karate!
What happens next is all speculation and witnesses talking. I don’t know all the facts, I don’t know what she said, how she felt. My mom got a call on her cell phone from Amanda that afternoon – mom was on her way home from work from the next county over. She was just checking in with her. Later, my mom would be pulled over by the police to tell her to follow him – there was a problem. My grandmother said that someone came into karate to tell her there was a problem in our neighborhood – they heard it on the scanner.
You see, Jason was waiting for the right moment, the moment where Amanda would be alone. He rang the doorbell. She answered. She refused to talk to him because he appeared “messed up”. That’s what her friend told us. She called her friend to tell her that Jason was there and that she couldn’t leave just yet to meet them at Pizza Hut. I think that was the last time Lisa talked to her. According to our neighbor – he witnessed two boys jump over out backyard fence. The two boys were Jason and Alan (the one from the prior event). Later, Alan’s accountability would be different. Here’s the story according to Alan:
Jason jumped the fence, broke in the French doors and chased Amanda to the front door with the gun. She tried to escape out the front door when he shot at her. The bullets hit her twice. One in the cheek, one in the spine. Jason went out around the back to where Alan waited for him. According to Alan, he had no clue what was going to occur. Jason told him what he had done. Alan pleaded to stay – they had to help her. He went in the house, called 911. Amanda was unconscious during this entire time. Help arrived, helicopter flew in & life-flighted her to a hospital in Jacksonville, Florida. Pronounced dead in the helicopter.
What is really hard to deal with too is that the person to answer the 911 call & the dispatcher, was Jason’s mother. Alan said she hesitated; there’s been speculation there on response time. During this time, Jason fled the scene. He led police on a chase over four counties in Florida. Police stated that Jason was not in a panic when driving at these high speeds through neighborhoods. He grabbed a beer and began to drink it. He crashed the car into a tree. Police were unsure of his every move. They took Jason to the same hospital Amanda was at.
I got the call that evening. I was at school – shooting photos for the University newspaper at the basketball game earlier. Amy and I had got some beer and some sappy movies to watch – alone on Valentine’s Day. It was Amy’s mom that called. They wouldn’t tell me what happened. But, they told me that Jason had hurt Amanda. To come home. I don’t think I packed more than a toothbrush. We made the two hour drive back home. We went straight to my godparent’s home. Everything is a blur – seeming to last forever.
For such a small town – where the only other murder in 1995 was that of a Navy man shaking his baby to death – it’s hard to come to grips with. These things don’t happen there. Your name is all over the newspaper. People you don’t know are pointing at you in the stores. I had a lot to think about and deal with. The next few weeks would be hard for us all. Trying to get our house back in order again so my mom could come home. Going through Amanda’s things. Getting closer with her real friends. Figuring out the next moves.
The case went to trial in 1997. Jason was convicted. He is serving life in prison. He also receive a 20-year term for aggravated assault and a 20-year term for burglary. I hope that he remembers this day for the rest of his life. I hope he will never forget what he did to my sister and to my family. I do hope that one day he will at least apologize for what he did.
——————–
As of today, Jason has never made an attempt to apologize to us.
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